I peed on a stick and found out I was going to be a mommy. I have 16 days left, as of today and that is just UNREAL. Tomorrow is my last day of work and my Maternity Leave starts on Friday… CRAZY. I have so many emotions going through my brain that I don’t quite know exactly how I feel. It’s kinda like when I first got pregnant… excitement, fear, anxiousness, the whole “OMG what did we do?!?!?” freak out… everything. It’s almost like my brain has come full circle. It’s a really strange feeling to know that anything can happen at any time and that this baby will come when she is ready, be it tonight or in 3 weeks from now. Last night I was driving with a friend and we came up to the intersection where my hospital of choice is located. Every time I see it I just stare at it and wonder when I am going to be there and how it’s all going to go down. I’ve always had a hard time with surprises and the unknown and this is the biggest one of all! It’s sooo hard not knowing anything! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
OK… I really just had to get that off my chest. =)
I saw Janice and Brittani yesterday. I have made SOME progress but not a whole lot to be excited about. I am a full centimeter dilated and I was “just about a 1″ last week, and 60% effaced as opposed to 50% but the biggest news is little Elle got the memo and she’s engaged! She’s still a bit high at a -3 station but it’s progress none the less. I found out that Janice is going to be out of town every weekend coming up as her father is ill so if I go into labor over the weekend chances are she won’t be there. As much as I understand her situation I am really sad as I really love her and wanted her there for me on the big day.
The other positive news from yesterday is that my Group B Strep test came back NEGATIVE! I’m really excited about this. It’s going to allow me to labor at home pretty much as long as I am “comfortable”. This was really important to me so I am glad it’s working out in my favor.
We also discussed hospital bag items. I have most of what was suggested packed and ready to go, there are just a couple more things I need to grab and I will be set! This is all so exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time! The more I prepare and get things ready, put together and finished the better I feel. I know I will feel 10x better just being at home. My last day of work is Thursday and I feel like I have so much to do around the house I’m anxious to get started and get everything organized!
Honey… Mommy is short. I know this doesn’t bode well for you genetically and I am sorry for that, however, we are seriously running out of room over here. Mommy’s short torso can hardly keep you contained at this point. I promise you will be much more comfortable and give mommy some breathing room if you would just drop your precious little head down into my pelvis, it’s time. I also know that you are nice and comfy in your little climate controlled incubator but mommy is DYING in this Arizona heat. If you could work on coming out just a little bit early I would be really grateful. Besides, there are a lot of people out here who really can’t wait to meet you. So, yeah… Help a mommy out… move on down and lets get the show on the road! Lock & Load, girlfriend! It’s time!!!
I have been using a CD for quite some time but I wanted to get the Mongan Method book & CD too… I had been looking everywhere for it and FINALLY came across it in Barnes & Noble this past weekend. I didn’t want to order it online with out being able to see it and flip though though, just in case I hated it! Well, now I wish I would have bought it sooner. I have been practicing my breathing techniques along with my visualization like a good girl. I am really hoping it helps! I would love feedback from anyone who has happened to use Hypnobirthing (any method!!!) as a means for pain management. I am really hoping that when the time comes I am able to put myself in the zone and I am able to use these techniques. I’m worried there will be lots of distractions in a hospital setting where as at home it’s easy to go somewhere quiet and practice and on top of the hospital… HELLO, pain is quite the distraction by itself!!! I wonder how hard it will be for me to go in and out of trance so I can communicate with my husband and doula as well as nurses when they come in for checks. My goal is to remain MOBILE so I can be in and out of the labor/birthing tub and walk as much as I can as well as change positions… I know that will be impossible with an epidural. On top of all this, being that I look like I am going to give birth at any moment now, everyone wants to ask my preference about labor and they seem to think that telling me “No matter what you do, get the epidural” is great advice. I always just smile and nod because it’s sooo much easier than trying to explain an unconventional method of pain management and lets face it… I really don’t have the patience to argue over an epidural with someone. I just hate feeling like my decision is in some way being challenged. I have been really good about trying not to set any standards or expectations for myself and if it gets to a point where I really can’t handle it anymore I am totally OK with getting the epidural. This is something I have never experienced before and I refuse to let myself have a one track mind about it. I am trying to be open about all the possibilities of labor and delivery and what may or may not happen. I must say though, the closer it gets the more disappointed I am that my goal of having a waterbirth in the hospital seems to be slipping away. I knew it wasn’t guaranteed but I’d really hoped the hospital would make a decision (and the RIGHT one) by now.
I must say… I think I’ve been better than “your average pregnant girl”. That’s not to say I’m perfect by any means but then again I have been really lucky though out my pregnancy. Had I been throwing up the whole time I probably would have been a raving bitch. I see pregnant women on a regular basis who throw temper tantrums in Motherhood maternity and their poor husbands are only trying to help, and. again, that’s not to say I haven’t had my moments but I do try and keep the hormones under wraps. I’ve never sent the husband out in the middle of the night for something I had to have like in those “I want something cheesy, melty, crunchy” whatever Taco Bell commercials. In fact… tonight was my first ever midnight craving and I was a big girl and drove myself. I headed down to the local Sonic… the nearest one being less than a mile from my house. I drive up, it’s 11:58 and there are cars galore in the parking spaces and just a couple cars in the drive though… so I whip around and take my place in line at the drive though. I pull up to the order menu and sit there for a min or two and the bastards shut the light off and refuse to take my order. Clearly, they themselves have never been pregnant nor have any of them ever had a pregnant wife to deal with. I chose to keep the raging hormonal bitch under control and drive to the next Sonic… aprox 4 miles from this one. Thank goodness they were still open because I couldn’t think of another one by my house and at that point I would have had to settle for some other burger joint and lets face it,pregnant or not, nothing compares to a strawberry lime slush which happens to be what had me out at midnight in the first place. Let me tell you, it was completely worth driving to two Sonics =)
And now on to a completely different topic:
As I hopped in my car the clock read 11:55pm and the temperature gauge read 98 degrees and this is a cool night compared to those to come in late July. No matter how long I live in AZ I will never get used to leaving the house in the summer time at night and it’s still almost 100 degrees or more outside. It’s insane! As I was out driving around I saw several people out for bike rides, jogging and dog walking like it was 8am on a cool, crisp Saturday morning…. I guess when its 110+ for weeks straight it’s just not logical to live your life during the day time anymore! It’s madness enough to be here during the summer let alone living your 3rd trimester in the brunt of it. I am SOOO planning this out better next time around!
I had my 36 week appointment today. First things first, I had to do my GBS test… Hopefully all comes back normal so I can labor at home as long as I can. She is measuring right on target and her heartbeat was 132. My BP was looking great even though I had some swelling… it was nothing like I’ve had before and was probably just from sitting at lunch for so long before my visit. I am 1cm dilated and 50% effaced so there is some progress going on however she still isn’t engaged but her head is down. Baby girl wants to be stubborn and not give her mama any room. Hopefully she will drop soon so I can be a bit more comfortable!
I was totally nervous for this appt. a huge part of me wanted there to be some sort of progress going on and the other part of me was terrified there would be progress. I think knowing that there is something going on makes all the uncomfort more bearable. I do wish she would engage already so I can breathe better ;o) but I’d like her to cook another two weeks!
I’m really very lucky… Since moving to AZ I have made some really incredible friends! We met in a rather unlikely way but I am SO glad we all met. Lucky for me a fair amount of them became mommies before me and I am soooo thankful because they are FULL of advice and knowledge. They all have their own unique parenting styles and preferences when it comes to everything from breast feeding to using cloth or disposable diapers. I’m also very fortunate that a few of them live so close to me and that we have all become so close.
I day dream about our kids growing up together and having BBQs and slumber parties, playing on the same sports teams, going to each others birthday parties and hopefully becoming life long friends.
Some of these girls are like my extended family. With all of our family living out of state they are like my safety net. They are always there to answer my questions or be by my side if I need them for anything…. I couldn’t be more thankful! I love you girls!!!
BODY!!! Holly hell! I knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant towards the end but *whew!* combined with this AZ heat… I don’t know how much longer I can make it! I have an appointment on Friday… 36 whole weeks! I believe they are going to do an internal so I am really hoping for some sort of progress. With they way my crotch feels I really hope there is SOMETHING going on down yonder! I know, pleasant, right? It’s times like this I really wish we had a friggen pool. Oh well… maybe next time!
Speaking of pools… I wonder if there is any progress at my hospital with the decision on whether or not to let midwives do waterbirths. I always said it would be the only thing to get me to even THINK about trying to go for a natural birth and half way though my pregnancy my midwife told me that she’d been approved at our hospital. Well the hospital is an Indian giver and decided to take it away and make her go though a whole long approval process… and here I am… stuck in the middle. I don’t know any headway will be made in the next few weeks but a girl can hope, right? Women who have a waterbirh always look so calm and in control compared to some of the screaming banshees you see on TV these days… man, I really hope I don’t turn out to be one of them!
So now as I bounce on my yoga ball and type this blog I wonder what my birth will be like. I have so many thoughts and ideas on what may or may not happen and I am trying to be really flexable in knowing that ANYTHING can happen. All I know is at this point I am chanting to my daughter ::two weeks early… two weeks early… two weeks early:: Lord knows mama can’t take much more of this!
Patiently waiting… it’s been 35 weeks and 3 days or 248 days OR 8 months 3 weeks and 3 days, however you’d like to look at it (clearly I have too much time on my hands because I look at it each and every way), thus far since I got pregnant. I’ve seen myself change in SO many ways since that day and I know more change is to come. I have exactly 32 days to go until the estimated D day and let me tell you… in this heat, it can’t come soon enough! I think Jason might say otherwise if you asked him. He has days where he is so excited and others where he is a little ball of anxiety. On Saturday night he stopped me no less than 5 times as we were walking to/from somehwere just to say “Can you believe we are going to be parents???” It really is VERY cute =)
It’s such an amazing feeling to know that I am going to bring a life into this world soon. Being pregnant has given me a stronger sense of femininity and it’s a very empowering feeling to create and nurture a life. The female body is an AMAZING thing and it’s crazy to watch your body grow and change to accomodate this little life. I have to admit, it hasn’t been easy gaining all this weight but I know she will be worth every single ounce.
I feel like we’ve done everything we can to get prepared for her arrival. The room is just about finished… it’s really only lacking a blackout curtain, we have everything we need for her immediate care. The hospital bag is packed and ready to go. Carseat is installed… you name it and we’ve pretty much got it set up, put together, batteries installed… I almost feel like the more I get things ready the better prepared I am. And thats a funny statement to me because I know it’s all a mind game. There is NOTHING on this earth that will prepare me for what is to come but in the mean time I’m going to live in my happy little world of last minute preparations and daydreams.
As of today I have 11 working days until my maternity leave starts. That can’t come quick enough, either! I am in full on nesting mode and every moment spent at work is a moment that I could have been home cleaning my house from top to bottom, reorganizing Elle’s clothes and buying more stuff I probably don’t need… it’s never ending!
I know a lot of other girls who are pregnant at the moment as well… Some of them ahead of me and some just just behind me. The first woman in line gave birth to her little boy just over a week ago. The next in line is two weeks out from her due date… the woman after her is just two days ahead of me which means it will be a race to the finish for us. We are actually delivering at the same hospital so it would be pretty cool if we were there together. We have all been pregnant together for so long now it’s strange that we are almost to the end and starting a whole new journey together. One by one I am slowly getting closer to the front of the line. I am so excited and antsy (ok ok and a little bit nervous too) I can hardly stand it!
I’m starting to think I should have titled this “Impatiently Waiting”.
